THE BALLADE OF NOVEMBER 2, 1935

(To Be Sung to the Tune of Abdul El Bulbul Amir and Ivan Skivinsky Skivar)

Ohio State’s Buckeyes were gridiron’s best
At midseason one nine three five;
On victory’s wave, they were riding the crest,
‘Til November second arrived.

Their sportswriters’ label became “Scarlet Scourge”,
Descriptionwise, very profound;
While eagerly, fans deemed their legions “Real George”,
‘Til November second rolled ‘round.

But meanwhile, the Irish at Notre Dame, Ind.
Weren’t being excitingly cheered;
Things looked pretty gloomy in yonder South Bend,
‘Til November second appeared.

Despite a tradition of champion play,
This one was a woebegone band;
But then, the day’s calendar page was torn ‘way,
With November second at hand.

They met in Columbus, the Buckeyes’ home field,
As host forces quickly took hold;
The downtrodden Irish two touchdowns did yield,
And November second seemed cold.

The third quarter showed no additional score,
As fifteen more minutes ticked on;
A thirteen point lead in those past days of yore
Meant November’s Buckeyes had won.

The fourth quarter opened with old Notre Dame
Across the Bucks’ goal line at last;
But extra point kicking was found to be lame,
And November two would close fast.

In due course, the stadium clock advised then
That just ninety seconds remained,
When Ireland’s brave stalwarts hit pay dirt again,
But only twelve points had been gained.

However, it wasn’t all over quite yet --
Ohio soon fumbled the ball;
An Irish recovery allowed them to get
One more skimpy chance to stand tall.

The clock said that only a play it would yield,
As halfback Bill Shakespeare’s last gasp
Was skillfully hurling the pigskin downfield
To receiver Millner’s firm grasp.

A climactic touchdown within a mere wink,
With eighteen to thirteen the spread;
The great Scarlet Scourge had turned into pale pink,
And Notre Dame full speed ahead.

The aftermath brought about many sour grapes;
Excuses abounded galore.
Religious intolerance took on new shapes,
As prejudice uttered a roar.

It seems that the Buckeye who’d fumbled the ball
Was true Roman Catholic by choice.
So, with no delay, out came a loud call
In boisterous, obnoxious voice.

The rumor was spread in terms both clear and frank
That Catholics on OSU’s squad
Had orders from priests it was either the tank,
Or else condemnation from God.

An ironic twist to this religion bilk
May come as a surprise to you,
That passer Bill Shakespeare of Protestant ilk,
Connected with Millner, a Jew.