FOOTBALL FOR MORONS

Within recent years, our casual perusal of the internet has continually turned up references to Fantasy Football. Not wondering especially what the term was all about, we’ve merely passed over them, while searching for matters of more immediate interest.

Recently however, we became apprised as to the essence of such fantasizing activity, thanks to a confessed regular weekly participant. By way of personal reaction, never, throughout many decades of open and uninhibited affection for football, have we sensed sheer imbecility to a comparable degree, insofar as downright blasphemous contempt for a major sport is concerned.

Although this nonsense hardly merits further mention, we do feel compelled to summarize the fallacy in as contemptuous a selection of words as are digupable.

To join in the supposed fun, some clown appoints himself a vicarious NFL club owner with the right to select individual players or teams which remain unclaimed on a master list. Each Monday or Tuesday when the latest statistics are all out, he (or probably she as well) checks the passing, running, goal-kicking, defensive, or other appropriate results for the preceding weekend’s games. If a chosen performer or club puts on a good show numberwise, the member earns points, which probably may bring some monetary return over a full season for the lucky “employer”.

Over many past decades, this writer has deplored the age-old practice of betting on sports events, in that such action prostitutes any appreciation for athletic values. Despite such longstanding disgust, we are now viewing an all-time low.

Why do we deem this particular exercise as being corollary to the lowest of back alley hookers? Simply because it connotes complete disdain for the sheer thrill of watching a player or team perform before a cheering crowd. The participant cares not a whit about the careful game planning by the coaching staff, the on-the-spot field strategy, the clutch effort displayed in tight situations, or any other spine-chilling aspect of a combative effort. The stupid jerk need have little or no knowledge of the sport, but only the capacity to read meaningless weekly stats. Whoever invented this scheme has to be on the demented side.

We must close this piece right away, so as to avoid having to resort to words of less than five letters from here onward.